I have just finished looking at a truly hysterical missive from our council to it's tenants. The document in question is a shocking example of the inability of Thanet's council to use the basic English language.

It seems TD want to know how they can be a better landlord and are starting to ask questions (no doubt to tick a few objectives boxes with some carefully modified statistics).

Question one says: How long were you/your household been a tenant of Thanet District Council Housing Services?

Now stop me anytime you like but surely that should be "how long have you been a..." OR "how long were you a..." - after all "were you" places the status in the past but not the present while "been" places the status in the past continuing thought the present and into the future. Basic English means that you can not mix tenses like that.

Tony Flaig who, quite rightly, couldn't give a flying elephant's backside about the finer points of the Language beyond being able to say what he things could (a) have asked the question better and (b) spotted the error a mile off. The TDC employees who apparently have a lot more education than the average bear (at least in Thanet) should have never let that one slip out the gate in the first place. In short they need to feel quite completely ashamed of themselves.

What else did they get wrong - read on to find out.

It's cutbacks guess because although the first half of the questionnaire has the numbering running down the left column then the right by the end the numbering runs left to right...

Not that it maters too much as by Question 9a they ask about any disabilities and then carry on for a another page asking you about them even if you ticked "no". I would have expected a "move on to question 10" or something next tot he negative answer but apparently this part was written by a different team tot he next section which was written by monkeys or something.

Question 33 is a fairly simple if long winded passage using 28 words to ask "hove you heard of the Tenant Participation Compact?" (my version is 8 words). If you tick no you see a "Go to Q35" - Q35 very vaguely asks "any other comments" which then spends another 26 words explaining what the first three meant... this is all fairly standard but wait until we move on. (I should also note that Question 34 asks if you are happy with the Tenant Participation Compact because this will come up again shortly).

Yes that's right - any other comments comes mid-questionnaire

Question 36 asks if you have any children which it also asked in question 4 except you have to have children in one age group only as the question states "tick one box only" and gives you 5 options. Very nice design I don't think so.

Question 37 then asks if English is your first language and should have added (because we're crap at it too). If you answer "Yes" to this question you are directed to return to question 34 (are you happy with the Tenant Participation Compact) and if "No" you are directed to Question 36 (any other comments).

Astounding(!)

The remainder of the form asks about your income, where your money comes from and all that sort of thing. Those of you that actually are meant to fill this in should be careful what you say as your name and address are on the front of this document.

This delightfully good example of how not to do it is signed Brendan Rayn (whoever he might be) "Head of Housing & Community Services" (whatever that might be). However, questions (such as who the hell authorised this crap) should be directed at Claire Jackson at SMSR (whatever that is) on 0800 138-845 or Michelle Thomas (Tenant Participation, apparently) 577221.

I think the answer to "how can TDC Housing improve?" might be "to learn to read and write" frankly. I have now returned the document to it's owner.