Our district endured yet another pointless roasting this week. This time from The Independent's writer Will Self who opens: "The Isle of Thanet has always been a little problematic for me".

Of Broadstairs he writes "seldom has anywhere more gentrified become more chavvy" - a comment which has some grounding in fact, sadly. Broadstairs does have a "youth drinking problem" (not to mention an adults drinking problem at some pubs if all reports are to believed). Will ends by saying:

"Waiting for the train back to London, I overheard two Thanet warriors discoursing on the platform: "'E's a cunt inne?" said one, "always bum-licking, but if you turns yer back on 'im 'e'll give you a smack in the mouf." They were drinking Stella Artois; if only it were reassuringly expensive."

Will might be pleased to understand, then, that our local coppers have been doing their job (who muttered "for a change" own up?). Police have been seizing alcohol from young drinkers caught "boozing in the park" (says Kent online).

It seems the the local "Ol' Bill" have been quite efficient just lately - read on.

They have recently nabbed four men from London on a crime trip to "soft touch" Thanet. The men are charged with robbing a bookmakers in Newington Road, Ramsgate of a massive £500 (plus a fiver from a member of staff - times are tough doncha know). According to Kent Online (apparently no other local news site knows how to get properly indexed by Google) there was an epic chase across Monkton marshland (on foot, with dogs).

(Apparently bookmakers in Kent are popular targets for crime. My advice would be - work somewhere else.)

While police were working that epic case elsewhere some more police went for some more low hanging fruit and empties a well know (allegedly) crack house in Brunswick Street (also in Ramsgate) and have now boarded it up for the next three months. Kent Online once more have that story.

Of most importance though is the fact that DNA testing could soon identify the owner of a £700 parrot currently living in a pub in Margate Says Times Online. Apparently the police will be investigating... how reassuring that we are safe from petty crime - shame about anything else (like arson).